It's Sacred...Yet abused 1.
I get to do this almost everyday. I really enjoy doing it because it makes me know more about the people I'm doing it with and more about life. What's it? You'd ask. It's chatting...I actually love using Skype (www.skype.com) because there I have a lot of new friends - people I've never met before and share opinions with them, other than Yahoo! messenger where 3/4 of my childhood friends are.
So, everyday, I log on to Skype to see what's new to talk about. At times, I put up a 'Do not disturb' sign. But people like Phemnahs; Arinola (when she was still in Nigeria); Femi Ajayi; Ife Anishe; etc wouldn't ever honour the sign. No wahala o. I'm not angry. (LOL).
Okk. What's this about Skype? I logged on one beautiful day and the first person that chatted with me was 'B' (name withheld, but his name starts with 'B'). 'B' is a he and I'm very fond of him, though we've not met. He's just natural - really like his person. We got talking and talking then, at one point, he asked "...what's your opinion about SEX?" For a long time, I didn't know how to respond. This is a topic I've always avoided and I can't explain why. I just gave him a vague answer that day, but he persisted. Then, I had to tell him I don't discuss such via the internet.
That same day, another person approached me on Skype with the same topic...I also gave the same vague answer. And then to cap it up, in the evening, I got my usual alert from Deolu Akinyemi's site telling me of a new post. When I clicked on the link, lo and behold...it was about sex, but in a different direction. (See: http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/how-i-planned-to-be-disvirgined).
I actually avoid discussing Sex because I feel it's 'sacred'; 'hallowed'; 'pure' and because it's a gift from our creator and should only be for the married. But, do many people share my convictions?
Virginity these days is now seen as a taboo among young people. If you say you're a virgin, you're immediately seen as an outcast, old-fashioned person. I even heard that people go as far as setting you up to be raped in a bid to make you 'feel belong'. Very crazy.
Do you know that people have sex via the internet? Hmmm. This same Skype opened my eyes to it. There was someone who calls himself 'Kays' (a Nigerian) on Skype. He won't tell you to add him or be his friend. All he'll offer is Sex Services with price range. There was a day I got so mad at him that I called him 'mad'. You won't imagine his response. He told me he's offering a great service and people are accepting the offer, that I should wake up.
Sex is abused. It's no longer sacred. It's no longer pure. And it's most crazily not left till marriage.
Please, I need opinions before I write the part 2. I'd ask now like I was asked. What's your opinion about SEX?
An hypothetical story was told about Rape on one of our blog sites (http://phemnahs.blogspot.com/2008/07/rape-many-victims-are-silent.html) I read it and I felt this is crazy.
A friend of mine (another Skype friend that I've met) told me of how his friend was disvirgined through RAPE. I wonder what pleasure the rapist would get in traumatising the lady.
It's so absurd - the level of sexual abuse. I have a story to tell. A real life story. But will wait till I read from you guys.
Have a great week.
So, everyday, I log on to Skype to see what's new to talk about. At times, I put up a 'Do not disturb' sign. But people like Phemnahs; Arinola (when she was still in Nigeria); Femi Ajayi; Ife Anishe; etc wouldn't ever honour the sign. No wahala o. I'm not angry. (LOL).
Okk. What's this about Skype? I logged on one beautiful day and the first person that chatted with me was 'B' (name withheld, but his name starts with 'B'). 'B' is a he and I'm very fond of him, though we've not met. He's just natural - really like his person. We got talking and talking then, at one point, he asked "...what's your opinion about SEX?" For a long time, I didn't know how to respond. This is a topic I've always avoided and I can't explain why. I just gave him a vague answer that day, but he persisted. Then, I had to tell him I don't discuss such via the internet.
That same day, another person approached me on Skype with the same topic...I also gave the same vague answer. And then to cap it up, in the evening, I got my usual alert from Deolu Akinyemi's site telling me of a new post. When I clicked on the link, lo and behold...it was about sex, but in a different direction. (See: http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/how-i-planned-to-be-disvirgined).
I actually avoid discussing Sex because I feel it's 'sacred'; 'hallowed'; 'pure' and because it's a gift from our creator and should only be for the married. But, do many people share my convictions?
Virginity these days is now seen as a taboo among young people. If you say you're a virgin, you're immediately seen as an outcast, old-fashioned person. I even heard that people go as far as setting you up to be raped in a bid to make you 'feel belong'. Very crazy.
Do you know that people have sex via the internet? Hmmm. This same Skype opened my eyes to it. There was someone who calls himself 'Kays' (a Nigerian) on Skype. He won't tell you to add him or be his friend. All he'll offer is Sex Services with price range. There was a day I got so mad at him that I called him 'mad'. You won't imagine his response. He told me he's offering a great service and people are accepting the offer, that I should wake up.
Sex is abused. It's no longer sacred. It's no longer pure. And it's most crazily not left till marriage.
Please, I need opinions before I write the part 2. I'd ask now like I was asked. What's your opinion about SEX?
An hypothetical story was told about Rape on one of our blog sites (http://phemnahs.blogspot.com/2008/07/rape-many-victims-are-silent.html) I read it and I felt this is crazy.
A friend of mine (another Skype friend that I've met) told me of how his friend was disvirgined through RAPE. I wonder what pleasure the rapist would get in traumatising the lady.
Another issue, apart from Rape, Internet sex and premarital sex is the issue of PAEDOPHILES - a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children. It's so rampant these days that a lot of parent are actually afraid of leaving their kids carelessly for fear of being molested sexually by a deranged adult.
It's so absurd - the level of sexual abuse. I have a story to tell. A real life story. But will wait till I read from you guys.
Have a great week.
Well,Indeed, Sex has been abused and basterdized. People have forgotten that the way they handle relationship these days 'was not so from the begining" dated from the creation of man.
ReplyDeleteEvery sexual pleasure outside marriage is a grievious offence against the spirit of God and against ones body.
It is very sad today to see a 12yr old girl having sex in an open place in night parties....all in the name of "love".
Even the older ladies are worst culprit,they measure how far a guy can perform on bed as a yardstick of their Love for them.Most of them even jilt guys who dont make sex advances to them on time.
There are many "Aristos" whose means of livelyhood is "SEX", many of them are in the Universities.Infact I had an experience with a lady I "assisted" by taking her from Ibadan to lagos last year on my way from OAU-Ife where i was doing my MSc EEE program, when we got to Berger, she begged me to take her to my house 'cos she was so pressed to have sex,..of course I refused and dropped her immediately at Berger...IT IS A VERY PERVERT GENERATION THAT WE ARE IN.
The parents are to be blamed in all of these. They no longer inculcate the fear of God in the heart of their children,.many of them too have man-friends who they bring into their matrimonial hommes when their husbands are not around,..and their children are aware but can't talk becos of the monetary rewards from the so-call "Big man-friends".
It is simpleand clear....Sexual perversion is a grievious offence before.
No man or woman is permitted to have sex until marriage; but becos of the foreign films and programs on the Satellite TVs and Internet that most people are exposed to, they have taken sex as if it is "pure water"...very cheap and easy to get; and this has reduced the value and "human dignity" of our ladies and women to NOTHING...
MY ADVISE IS:..STAY OUT OF SEX UNTIL U ARE MARRIED...and if u are so pressed for it, then Get married.
Above all, with Jesus in your life, u are sure of a great marital and fulfilled future, so wait until u are "ready".
Thanks.
Akinnagbe Johnson A.
Lagos.
Bukky, this is very nice. Infact i am giving you an excellent passmark for this.
ReplyDeleteYeah i dont like following rules, so that your "do not disturb" no dey scare me.i will always knock.
Hmmmmm.....Sex!!! Na serious issue o. I once told a friend that i dont believe in love (though its like my perception about that is changing now). The reason for this is that i ve noticed that most Nigerians especially males associate sex with love and in my own opinion sex+love =lust, no other thing.
In those days of our mothers and fathers, a female dare not loose her virginity before her marriage or else she is going to put herself and family to shame. Nowadays, the reverse is the case. A lady dare not go to her husband house still a virgin, stupidly the husband will be disappointed that his new wife is not an happening babe, kai just imagine that. How many marriages has this issue of virginity turned to something else? How many?
What has this world come into? Why should this be so?
To me the reasons are not far fetched. TECHNOLOGY, WESTERNISATION, OYINBO-WANNA-BE, PEER PRESSURE etc All these and more are corrupting our society today to the extent that our so call culture that should be our way of life is no where to be found.
Another dimension is the issue of going for pregnancy test before marriage, for God sake what is wrong with us. Must we act "darkly" because we are blacks?
If a guy likes a girl, the first thing on the girls mind is "he only want me for sex". What happened to attraction? What is going on?
In UK here, you can approach any lady and chat with her so far you are not passing your boundary of conversation but nothing like that in Old Naija. If you have the gut, you can even ask her for a date. Afterall no be you get money wey you wan spend/waste? No way, you dare not try that in naija if you no wan get slap. All because of this crude three letter word S-E-X.
Let the naija youths wake up. Our leaders are corrupting our economy and our development but we are the one corrupting our culture more.
What of the issue of Aristos, sugar mummy, sugar daddy, sisi eko....... All for money and sex.
Sex is suppose to be sacred, intimate, fun, enduring, exciting, pleasurable but what do we have today quickie,TDB,release-comot,do-do-comot.
This is wrong and very wrong.
We can correct this abmormality if we want because we can do it if we really want to.
As 9ice said, lets go there........
Thanks y'all...Really appreciate your sincerity. However, something has to be done to curb this menace in our society. What to be done is what I can't tell now. But in the meantime, we can continue to preach it.
ReplyDeleteThough this is coming late but the fact is that my schedule of work is tight as you know (Bookie).
ReplyDeleteplease, pardon me for the lateness.
I know you will be waiting to hear my view right cos of your perspection towards me.
'Lade, bravo and a very big thumbs up for you!
You know I once told you some of my discovery about you. Kindly ruminate over it and act fast.
SEX is suppose to be sacred. No one doubts that sexual activity in the new millennium is physically, emotionally, and socially dangerous. So it's important to think about it in all ramifications.
The qur'an state that sex before marriage is a sinful act. But permit me to go biblical here; though from a muslim bachground;
Sex Before Marriage - The Top Ten (10) Risk should conviniently portray my own opinion. Though almost all of us are "GUILTY" of it or let me say "I am guilty of it too"!
10. The risk of death. No one can deny that having sex before marriage can have grave consequences. Such as infectious diseases (HIV/AIDS) and many others.
9. The risk of lost relationships. When you choose to develop a sexual relationship with someone, you have immediately changed the entire definition of the relationship. God's intent was for a man and woman to enjoy sex throughout the course of a lifetime. There is no such thing as casual sex. Once you have developed a sexual relationship, that relationship turns a critical corner. After the relationship ends, you and your partner will experience that guilt and pain of promises broken.
8. Risks of incurable disease. Imagine that you have found that one special person with whom you want to share your life. And now you are forced to break the news that you have an incurable disease. Even though such diseases like herpes are generally not considered life threatening, there are no cures. Not only is it incurable, it fills a life with worries, awkward revelations, and continuous need for medication. Herpes and other STD's are everywhere. Why risk contracting an STD.
7. The risk of damaging the destiny of your future marriage. There is no way that premarital sex of any kind could be a plus for your future marriage. It only causes suspicion, mistrust, and regret.
6. The risk of permanently damaging your testimony. You'll never be able to honestly say, "I was a virgin before I was married." You'll never be able to live as an example of committed purity.
5. The risk of depression. Those who participate in premarital sex experience emotional damage that may lead to an increased chance of mental depression and emotional despair.
4. The risk of placing your future children in spiritual harm's way. The Glorious Qur'an and The Holy Bible clearly speaks of the concept of generational sin. What you sow (plant) spiritually may be reaped in the life of your children. Break the power of Satan's curse. Remain pure before God and you'll be tenaciously guarding the future of the next generation.
3. The risk of sexual dysfunction. People spend millions of dollars to correct sexual dysfunction through drugs and psychotherapy. Why? Because they entered marriage with unresolved sexual issues. For example, a man may think that he will be free from the curse of pornography once he gets married, only to find that the problems are even more noticeable and controlling. Sexual purity before marriage is the first step to incredible sexual fulfillment after marriage.
2. The risk of shame. Premarital sex imputes a spiritual state of shame that becomes a major weapon of Satan. God forgives you, but you will still face the fruit of the sin and you'll still be vulnerable to Satan's whispering accusations on your worth as a person and your value.
1. The risk of disobeying God and letting Satan get a foothold. The HOLY Books (Qur'an & Bible), time after time tells us to flee sexual sins. Why? Because it is a major strategy of the devil to sabotage God's work on Earth.
Bookie, kindly check
1 Corinthians 5:9, Hebrews 12:16, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Corinthians 10:8, Romans 1:24, Mark 7:21 & Hebrews 13:4 & 1 Corinthians 6:13.
Befor you go; I believe that "The greatest gift a WOMAN can give to her HUSBAND is her "VIRGINITY"
(TGIF)
Stay lifted & be blessed!
'Bayo Atunwa (Heluzie) writes from Lagos
Thanks Bayo.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend, you are too precious for me not to reply your blog. This is one of my tightest times but I will say little. You know if not for the topic, I won’t check you blog. As I told you earlier, you got me on that. I will be very free in December. If you want to get me, think of bringing related topics to me then.
ReplyDeleteHmm, what can I say? Sex Issue, to me, I still believe you hold on to what you believe don’t allow what the world or your best of friends believe make you change your mind. There are many wrong things that are rights these days. Don’t let the World dictate your life. I so much like the topic and I like to look at people’s perspective. I can say that. Over 90% go along the same direction. The remaining 10% will rather not talk about it simply because they are shy of been mocked or feel inferior.
Like in a case I know as you have rightly said, they will not talk about it for fear of been raped.
This 90% that feel or believe it is right, no matter how much they have painted the issue, they have not been able to convince me. But rather, I get the opinion that they actually want to do it or they do it to get away from their depression.
I always look at a lot of scenario when it comes to sex and why people do it. Some say they it because it is fun, everybody is doing it, and there is nothing there, because my partner wants it (they don’t have self value and dignity for their own life). Others say it is ok if I do it and make other flimsy reason. I even read recently before I left Nigeria that researchers found that girls that remain virgins after 25 find it hard to conceive giving all forms of excuses.
Ask the women that got married virgin and see the glory and the beauty in their eye. I don’t know but what do those who that are already in it before wedding have to say? I don’t know, because it is taken before the day. No glory, less respect, less trust.
Sex to me is what you value, leaving religion, how does it feel when you have sex with a guy and he later tells you he does not want you anymore or he is tired of you even before you got married I don’t know. To be personal, I will say. We all have wrong orientation about sex and it is getting worse. I have a baby sister here; she is 18 and will tell you. It is good. The funny thing is that sex makes one grows older then the exact age. Maybe from the girls view but look around you how many of these sexually active girls look their age? You can’t even tell age difference anymore.
Everybody is exposed to it. I will say morals are rapidly dropping. What worries me is what do we have to tell our kids? The generation is going worse. What good moral lesson are we going to tell them when we don’t one ourselves.
Bukola, I still know some of us can make the difference no matter how small. I also believe these guys needs to be spoken to. How many girls do they have to “explore” before they believe they are fetal? Morals need to be preached and written about. If we are not careful, 12 years old kids will explain what the parents do in the bed room because she has done it before. That is even if it is not happening again.
Right in front of us, men are chasing money and fame and forgetting moral and dignity. It is saddening. Don’t bother discussing it with men that are not worth it. Let us try and save the coming generation.
Thank you. Talk to you soon. How many more days do you have to reveal you testimony?
Arinola Wuraola
Arin love, you're a darling. Your comment is touching. God bless you for me. We'll get there by the grace of God. And concerning my testimony...wait, you'll know. I'll tell you. You'll be one of the first to know.
ReplyDelete