Why Did I Get Married?
Really, Tyler Perry got me hooked on this one, that after seeing it several times, I was able to sift one or more things from it and I’d like to share them here.
Before I share what I learnt, let me give a synopsis of the movie…There are four couples who go on an annual one week vacation – more like a reunion. During this vacation, they reconnect, talk, pray, iron out issues and so on – but this vacation opened up secrets that they’ve all bottled up. Secrets that made them ask such question as ‘Why did I Get Married?’
I’m going to be looking at the couple one after the other…
Mike & Sheila (Richard T. Jones & Jill Scott)
The problem with this couple is Sheila’s stature. Sheila is on the fat side but Mike just couldn’t live with that! And so he insults her at every opportunity he could find. This gave Sheila a very low self esteem and all she could ever do was blame herself for Mike’s hatred towards her.
I sensed a lot of communication gap here, irrelevant excuses for infidelity and the love was one-sided. Sheila was the one in-love and was willing to make the marriage work – even if it means giving up her seat in the plane and driving up alone on a snowy road in the dark of the night. That, to me is, crazy. But love endures all things.
Lesson: Love and love still, you might get hurt, but it’s the best way to live life to the full. Sheila endured all for love. Although she was hurt – Mike duped and ditched her – but at the end she found a far better love in
Marcus & Angela (Michael Jai White & Tasha Smith)
Ah! This crazy couple…They made me laugh all through the movie. I enjoyed them most. They scream, shout, insult themselves – and they cheat themselves. But the good thing, they love themselves in their own way. Theirs might not be the ‘romantic’ kind of love, as they always have things to fight about, but they are no doubt in love.
Some of their problems included lying and infidelity. However, they know themselves too well – in fact more than the other couples – No wonder Angela could tell Marcus’ language when he is lying, she knows he’d say “You know what I’m saying…” I also see a lot of pride in Angela. She owned the business and Marcus worked for her, and this brought about statements such as “You work for me…”; “If you are able to get a mortgage, I’d drink to that…” etc.
Lesson: Real communication, trust, understanding and submissiveness (on the part of the wife, no matter how wealthy she is) can do a lot of good in any relationship. Not until this couple learnt to communicate as adult, trust and understand themselves did they have a great union. Although, they still had streaks of madness in them, but they’ve learnt to behave when a serious issue arises. They also learnt giving up some things as drinking, foul languages, etc…and it worked for them.
Terry & Diane (Tyler Perry & Sharon Leal)
This couple, I see as great communicators and friends. Unfortunately, despite their being friends and great communicators, they still kept things from themselves. I also see Diane as too career freak and selfish, who cares for nothing but her ‘best in town’ law firm. She’s so selfish that she forgot her husband’s birthday! This kind of thing is common among educated wives/mothers – especially if they are fortunate to hold high posts in their offices – then the home front begins to suffer.
Diane’s continuous late nights and inability to take her responsibilities – as a wife and mother – seriously, caused Terry (
Lesson: If you love something so very much, but it hurts, set it free. If it comes back to you, it yours, if it doesn’t come back to you, then it was never meant to be yours. You do not have to file for divorce. If you’ve tried communication and it isn’t working, try letting the person be for a while. Separation and Divorce are NO options here. Leaving the other party to be doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving them, you’re only giving them room to think things through. And while doing that, do a lot of PRAYER for yourself and your partner, that way God will restore your reasoning and marriage. This worked for Terry. Also, Diane learnt how to confront her fears and deal with her bad…and she got her Terry back!
Gavin & Patricia (Malik Yoba & Janet Jackson)
And here comes the supposedly perfect couple. This couple looked happy and in love. They seemed the perfect one, ready to advise their friends on how to make their marriages work. They claimed to know a lot of ‘Don’ts’ and ‘Dos’ in marriages and that such have helped their marriage. Patricia (Janet), a successful self-help psychologist and writer, always has answers for marital challenges. Unknown to her, there are deep flaws in her seemingly perfect marriage. Her Gavin saw her as imperfect for causing the death of their only child, but he kept it to himself because he doesn’t want her thinking he’d stopped loving her.
When the secret was revealed, Patricia couldn’t believe that with all her perfectionist nature and faithfulness to their marriage, her husband is capable of abhorring a tiny bit of resentment towards her. She was so devastated and disappointed. But Gavin, oh Gavin knew how to love. When Gavin wanted to make his wife see reasons with him and make her know he hasn’t stopped loving her, he did it with such passion, gentleness and love that I felt like crying and loving at the same time…lol.
Lesson: Give room for learning more – Patricia was so sure she knew it all – but the truth is, no one is perfect. Attaining perfection is an everyday thing – and while working out perfection, give room for mistakes that you can learn from. Also, two wrongs can’t make a right. When fighting, fight fairly…no names calling, no blames sharing – if there’s a misunderstanding; sort it out without looking for whose fault it is. That’s exactly Gavin’s character…and I’m so loving it.
There were lots of break-ups and make-ups; misunderstandings and understandings; weeping and laughing; lying, cheating, secrets and truths, repentance, open-ups. There was even complete break-up! Also, there were also attitude problems and esteem issues - typical family problems; but love, communication, remorse and repentance, forgiveness (no matter how bad the bad is) and most importantly, God saw them through it all.
Such a beautiful story!