Get Real, Get Naked!

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Hahahaha, I got you there. This isn't what you're thinking at all. C'mon, I still have my dig....'witty' :D. But hey, before you hit the close button, read this...

How often do you have a heart to heart, real talk with your partner? When you're offended by your partner's action, do you bottle it up till you die of cancer or heart attack; do you tell it to someone who in turn tells it to someone who tells it to another someone till you become an object of ridicule; or do you genuinely discuss it with your partner without being judgmental? It's up to you to answer the questions.

We've all heard the saying that communication goes a long way in building relationships. But it doesn't hurt to emphasise and re-emphasise it.  Again I'll say communicate, communicate, and communicate with your partner. Don't just get naked on the bed, get naked while sitting together holding hands, with your heart and words. Talk, cry, let it out, bare your mind (in love) without using hurtful words. It won't just help your relationship, it will help your health.

I remember having a disagreement with hubby over some family issues. I didn't know how to bring it up without hurting him and creating an unnecessary impression. The first thing I did was pray on how to present the issue. Still I had no peace. But I was determined to bring it up anyway, otherwise we won't be able to prevent the issue from re-occurring and it will bring up resentment. So I gathered all the courage I had in me, looked straight into his  eyes, and bared my mind. Oh, how I chose my words cleverly. I wasn't going to hurt his feelings, I just needed to clear the misunderstanding. To my utmost surprise, he didn't get offended; he instead saw reasons and explained his side of the story. Apologies were made, and we were cool again. :).

3 Naked Steps

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Aside from praying before bringing up such discussions, there are things I do to make the atmosphere easy and free of tension. Here are they:

1. Rehearse, write it out: if you don't know how to present the issue; or the issue is making you 'foam' with anger and bringing up a discussion in that condition will just ruin the event, then write it out. I do this at times because I have a very short temper, and in order for me not to react in anger, I get a pen and paper and I write. I write about the whole issue - my role, his role, what we can both do to calm the tension, etc. By the time I'll finish, my anger will have dissipated a bit. So I write it out, you should try same.

2. Look at the good side: even if your partner is a "monster", he'll definitely have his good sides. When angry, it pays to think of your spouse's good sides before you react, get judgmental or hurl out insultive words. When you do this, you will have a smooth conversation. Yes he can be a 'he-devil' sometimes, but he's definitely an angel all the time.

 3. Be prepared: you're hurt and you've been matured enough to bring up the conversation; you're the victim here, and so he has no say. Ney, ney, ney, my friend. There are always 2 sides to a story. Let him speak too. He has his own side of the story. Remember, it's a discussion, conversation, communication. And when he tells his side of his story, don't go being defensive. You're there to quench the fire not add fuel to it. Be prepared for whatever is coming from your spouse. Apologise where and when necessary. Note the notables. Kiss and make up. Don't forget, it takes 2 to tango.

This list isn't exhaustive. Please feel free to add yours to the list. I have loads of what I do to get by in dispute settling at home, but this 3 works for me.

Waiting to read from you guys. Xo xo.