Unlovable!

I met Pius Semilore Samuel on a cool Saturday afternoon in March. He had gone to visit a friend on the Street where the hairdressing salon I use is situated. I'd gone to retouch my hair that day. Coincidentally, his friend was seeing him off at the same time I was leaving the salon. As I was walking down the street, he drove up to me and asked me to hop that he'd take me wherever I was going. Now, that was rude and uncalled for. Some more decent girls wouldn't even look at him much less enter his car. But my case was different. I'll explain why. 

As soon as he said it, I opened the door of the car and in I was. He looked at me like I was weird - then he started explaining how he usually didn't go after girls asking to lift them, how I was different and how he got captivated by my looks...blah, blah, blah. After his explanation, I just told him "take me to Kure Street, No 5...it's about 3 streets from here". I expected him to move immediately, but when he didn't I looked at him, and I saw that he was still stunned by my actions. 

Well, you don't have to be 'lover boy', I don't have a thing men. I hate them; I use them...and I'll hate you too!

Before Meets After

I'm Tamilore Akinjobi - beautiful, young and smart but wayward. I lost my dad when I was 7 and was left in the care of my mum as an only child. Mum tried to raise me the best way she could but was financially incapable and so resorted to seeking help from my late father's friends. Some helped to an extent, but there was one in particular, Chief Gbolahan, who was willing to shoulder all my responsibilities. At last, mum was relieved! 

11 years after - precisely when I turned 18 and in my 200 level at the Uni, mum had an accident that took her life. I became an orphan! Dear Chief Gbolahan came to my aid as usual. Promised heaven on earth, howbeit with a price! The price was for me to become the next Mrs. Gbolahan. 

At 18 I was already grown, fully endowed, with all my female assets in place. So Chief thought it was wise for us to start sleeping together as man and wife. The whole plan seemed awkward, I hadn't known any man before Chief; so I felt bitter about the whole situation; but then I had no one to turn to. Oh well he was responsible for my upkeep -so I thought I was indebted  to him. 

Chief introduced me to all kinds of dirty things. At first I was frigid; but I got used to the whole nonsense. Two years into our ungodly relationship, I was already a pro. By then I was in my 500 level and final year as a Computer Engineering student. I expected Chief to propose so we could seal the deal, since I had no other man in my life and because I had already accepted my fate. That year, I discovered I was 2 months pregnant; somehow my preventive pills failed; and I thought things were working out fine. So I broke the news to Chief and he seemed overjoyed. Then he took me to the family hospital and asked them to register me for ante-natal. A week later, Chief's personal doctor asked me to see him for some medical check-ups. After series check-ups, I was given some drugs. The drugs succeeded in, not taking my life but, taking my womb. It happened that Chief had planned with his doctor to terminate the pregnancy, because, according to him, he was not ready to take a second wife and that I was too young for him. 

I fell ill after the whole ordeal, lost that academic year because I was ill and because I had no money to finish my project. It was a devastating experience. 

Devil's Incarnate?

After that ordeal with Chief, I stopped school, squatted with a few friends from school, got a job at a Business Centre as a Receptionist and eventually got a 2-bedroom mini-flat with the savings from my salary. Then I decided to start again. This time, I thought that if I could find love, maybe we'd reach an agreement to adopt a baby or two since I had no womb. 

Then I met Kingsley. He had nothing materially, but prospects. A young, goal-oriented graduate seeking for job. I fed him; I cared for him; I loved him. I thought he loved me too - at least it looked that way because we were a pair. Always together. So I told him my story. He was so furious that he could kill Chief Gbolahan if he saw him then. My Kingsley, in spite of my past, was as loving as ever. We played, we laughed, we talked, we had things in common - food, music, colours, places, etc - we were intimate too. I knew his family and they loved me. So I thought heaven was here.

But Kingsley left. I used my office connection to get him a job with an Oil Company in Port-Harcourt, and after a week his phone line wasn't going through. I tried contacting his folks, and they told me I to seek spiritual help, that their Kingsley has moved on. Now that's hell!

Dayo came along after Kingsley and as usual I gave him my heart. Talk about being weak. Dayo only dated me for 6 months and broke up with me after he heard my story. Kingsley and I dated for 2 years! But the difference between the two was that Dayo was honest, and didn't pretend he could continue to love me after all I'd been through.

After Dayo was Toba, Funsho, Haruna...they all left! Those were shattering experiences but they left me hardened and mean.

Only You Will Be My Lover

"Love is patient, love is kind....It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil...it never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Now, I don't have a drop of love left in my system. I detest men. I get any man I want with my beauty. I sleep with them once and we're done. No feelings! Some come back telling me how they've falling in love with me; but I didn't care anymore. Maybe I wasn't created to be loved, and so I can't love either.

But Semilore is different. Handsome, lively, funny, God-fearing, Barrister Semilore wants love. I don't have it! It's not in me anymore. It's dead!

He took me home that day, and has never stopped being a part of my life. You see, Semilore isn't the kind of guy that is into women. His folks were even doubted his celibacy at some point because he doesn't do women. But like he said something like a force made him lift me that said day. 

After our first meeting, I did all I could to get rid of him, but he wouldn't bulge. I'd lie that I wasn't home even when I was home and he'd wait patiently in his car till I opened the door. I tried disgracing him on the street, but all he did was tell onlookers that we were engaged to be married, and having some issues that they shouldn't mind me. 

I even tried using sex as a tactic to send him away because I know he's a born again Christian, but it didn't work - I went stark naked thinking that it would turn him on, but all he said was "Tami", (that's what he calls me) "just get dressed because you've got the wrong man". What?! I was convinced that that would work. I am a beautiful and well endowed woman and there's no man that has seen my nakedness that didn't fall. What is it with this guy? 

After all said and done, Semilore, the son of a pastor, started taking me to church with him every Sunday. He introduced me to Christ, and things started happening in my life - great things. I found love. I found hope. I knew love again. Soon, I discovered we were inseparable - always together and very much in love. We spent our weekends together - no not having sex; but  enjoying each other's company. He's my best friend; my helper; my heart, my love. I told him my story, and my Semilore didn't even condemn, judge or neglect me. Oh, how I love this man.

Old Flame

It's been a year and six months now and my Semilore thinks it is time for us to take things to the next level. We both know we were made for each other - talk about two hearts that beat as one. I have met and been accepted by the Samuels - such a wonderful family. The wedding is scheduled for June 15,  2013. All is going well. Or so it seemed.

On February 10th, Semilore told me we were going to the airport together later in the evening to pick his friend who is arriving from the States. He was coming for a short visit and would be staying over at Semilore's house. Semilore's friend arrived that Sunday, but alas he was an 'old flame'...my 'old flame'. 'Lore's friend is Funsho, my ex. When he saw me, after 'Lore had done introducing us, I expressed shock and shame, but he (Funsho) pretended as if nothing happened. But because I wanted to clear the air, and my conscience, and because there has never been any secret between 'Lore and I, I was quick to ask Funsho "Don't I know you?", "Yes, I do now. You're my ex....I met you at....We dated for about 3 months, before you left for the States..." And he was like "Oh, I remember vaguely, you know I dated a lot of people back then". 

I felt bad! But 'Lore knew what was going on and decided to change the subject.

Fast forward to February 14th, 'Lore and I had planned to meet at an eatery in GRA, Ikeja after work for dinner, but a particular case that he was working on held him up at the office, so I decided to go and wait for him at his house. I'd even forgotten that Funsho would be at home since he was staying with 'Lore on his visit. Since I had a spare key, I let myself in and met Funsho. 

"Oh, hi", I said. "I didn't know you were still here". 

He greeted me with a big grin. I decided to keep a distance judging from the way he behaved at the airport. He noticed that and offered a quick apology for his behaviour blaming it on jet-lag. I accepted his apology, dropped my bag in the sitting room and went in search of something to eat in the kitchen. Then I heard Funsho's voice; he'd probably tip-toed into the kitchen because I didn't hear him come in. He was telling me I still looked hot as ever and that 'Lore was lucky to have me.' 

This was the same Funsho that dumped me after hearing my story ooo. I  just ignored him and had my back to him. Before I knew it, he grabbed me from behind, forced me to the floor, tore my panties, and forced his way into me. I was helpless; I struggled but he was stronger....this must have gone on for minutes or so with me screaming and fighting for my life...after what seemed like hours, I just heard someone scream "This is disgusting...." 

It was my Semilore. He saw Funsho on top of me and ran out....away....................................

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered....For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39