Contract Dating/Marriage: Penning the Terms of Agreement

Wow...it's been like since forever that I posted something on this blog; anyway, it's just been 2 terrific months. Terrific because it's been beautiful - I had the most amazing birthday ever... in may; and it's also been....you know. Well, I'm not complaining. I, in fact, have every reason to say thank You God.

Enough of me already...Back to the business of the day.

Now marriage is an agreement between 2 people. But some believe there is more to it. I have heard of contract marriages/relationships; and I've seen 1 couple practice it, but really, I've neither come across what the terms of agreement actually look like nor do I know what the people involved feel for each other. Now, contract marriage is not totally western; some Nigerians practice it (I know one). However, I'm a bit curious: was it love that brought them together in the first place? If not, will they eventually fall in love? If not, how will the contract end?

Well the focus here is on the terms - spelt out and written down.

One of my nerdy friends sent me an example of how some terms of agreements look like. She got it off a blog authored by Kelvin Igbodo (a Nigerian blogger). Find the written terms below.

I need comments please. Let's hear what you think about it; would you practice such? If not, what do you have against it?
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The dating rules

It is common knowledge that the most ignored part of most negotiations is the 'Terms of Agreements', especially if it is almost 10 pages long (which is mostly the case). Many partnerships have failed, businesses have crashed and people have felt cheated all because they didn't have the patience to read through 10 paged small print of legal jargon.

Every business, transaction or interaction between two people normally has terms that bind the parties involved once they agree.

So I was thinking, it won't be a bad idea to have a terms-of-agreement for dating, signed by both parties before they embark on the relationship. Remember that verbal agreements hold no water so this will be typed out and signed by both parties.

Feel free to download and use after reading.

DATING TERMS OF AGREEMENT BETWEEN _________ and ___________ dated this _____ day of______ 2___

His part:

1. I am the man in this relationship, whether I wear pants, boxers or G-string, I am still the man and should be treated as such.

2. I shall NOT be compared to any other man living or dead, especially your ex.

3. I am your boyfriend NOT your father, so he is responsible for bringing you up and maintaining you. I am responsible for bringing 'me' up and maintaining yours.

4. I love you BUT I love my boys too so do NOT interrupt when you see me with them, it falls hand.

5. Never ask me where I am at 10pm, I will lie or talk nonsense.

6. You see me with any girl, let your default thought be "oh wow! A new sister"

7. Do NOT discuss our sex life (if existent) with your friends except you're suggesting a threesome

8. Movies, recharge cards, lunch and all that fun shall last 3 weeks into the relationship; after that we will buy N150 DVD, make our own chicken, etc

9. You will NOT move more than 4 articles of clothing to my room/house.

10. In the event of arguments, do NOT smash any of my plates or ornaments. Walahi, you will pay for them o!

11. Because I have a car doesn't make me YOUR driver, and the front seat isn't your right, get over yourself!

12. You cannot have more than 10 male BBM contacts, 5 must be from your family, 4 from your church, then I.

13. Don't EVER be fooled, girls DON'T run the world! Except the world is a synonym for kitchen.

14. We are dating. This is NOT marriage; we will NEVER wear the same cloth material.

15. Money will be given to you as I deem necessary, I do NOT work in a bank; even if I do, it is my money.

16. If u want to give me a nickname, names like Stud, The Rock, ChuckNorris etc are cool, NEVER! I repeat NEVER call me your TeleTubby or ChubbyWobby...

17. If by mistake you ever catch me on top of or underneath another woman, don't break the flow, wait till I'm done then verbally attack.

Her part:

1. I am the Woman, I am NOT weak in sex or any other thing, don't make me prove it.

2. In every argument, I have the LAST word, whatever else you say will start a new one apart from 'Yes Dear!'

3. Whatever you did while toasting me, you better make sure you continue because face it, there are others waiting to get on this bus!

4. I will cook when I'm hungry, you will buy us take-away when you are hungry.

5. If/when I come to your house for the weekend, the remote is mine and we will 'do' if I feel like 'doing'

6. Bags, BIS, Brazilian hair, etc, are your responsibility...prove you can take care of me.

7. NEVER take any of my friends out

8. In the club, you dance with only me or any of my ugly, harmless friends I send your way cos I wanna grind some hot guy.

9. When I ask you 'how I look?" Any answer apart from "beautiful" might make you lose me

10. I'm a late comer, NEVER on time.

11. If you do NOT use my/our picture on your BBM DP at least 4 times in a week, it’s over!

12. What is yours is mine, what is mine is mine!

13. If you invite your friends over without telling me, prepare to attend to them.

I have read and hereby agree to these terms of agreement...bla bla bla...

Signed

_______________ and. ________________

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Waiting to read from you....