He Wants All of Her…

As the phone rang, Ruth already knew who the caller was so she ignored it. This time she was determined to end the relationship forever. There is no going back. Even though it hurts; even though she loved Tolani so very much, she just had to let go.

It’s just 2 weeks to her wedding with Tolani…the invitation is out and they’ve already done the introduction, but she couldn’t take it anymore. The wedding just could not hold…

As she thought of this, tears began to stream down her eyes. She remembered how she met Tolani. Oh, such a handsome young man he is. Even though he is quiet, he’s in every way a charmer. On a certain day, it was visiting hours at the ‘C’ block girls’ hostel of the University of Ilorin, and Tolani was there to visit a jambite that came newly to his fellowship the previous night. He and another lady from his fellowship entered the block and were trying to locate the jambite’s room – apparently, the jambite didn’t fill the correct room number since she was new – so they knocked on every door until they got to Room 8, where Ruth stayed. Ruth answered, and fortunately, it was the jambite’s room. She allowed them in, and as they were discussing with the jambite, Ruth, who was reading a novel on her bed, was invited into the discussion by Tolani.

It started with: “Are you also a jambite?” And she replied with every sense of pride: “Nah nah, I’m a part 3 Geology student”. Tolani wondered why he hadn’t met her before then, being a 500level Engineering student himself. Then Tolani invited her to his fellowship; although she reluctantly accepted the invitation, but before Tolani graduated, Ruth became a strong member of the said fellowship and also became Tolani’s fiancée.

Their relationship was without a hitch in the first 6 months, but the problem started the moment Tolani graduated. So came the calls at strange hours. Initially, Ruth felt, well, it was probably love and the fact that Tolani wasn’t in School anymore, he missed her so.

The strange thing about his calls, however, was too many questions. Questions such as: “Where are you?”; “Why are you in the class at this hour?”; “Who is sitting by you in the class, taxi, etc?”; “Where are you going?”; Why are you not picking your calls; etc.

And then, statements such as: “If you’re in the room, then give the phone to your roommate” “Don’t go here or there”; “Don’t participate in this or that”; “I saw the way he looked at you in that picture, I believe he has something in mind”; don’t allow this person or that to visit you”; etc.

That was how it started, and now it is 5 years into their relationship, and 2 weeks to their wedding and Tolani has gone worse. He couldn’t bear to see any friend around her and he forbade her to work…saying he’d establish a business for her once they’re married. She couldn’t go out on her own, and if she did, by the time she’s getting to where she was going, Tolani was already there.

Ruth endured up to this point; but the worse scenario was on their introduction night, when one of Ruth’s long distance male cousins gave her a congratulatory hug; and the next thing she knew, Tolani was pounding the guy real hard in a physical fight. Almost everyone that interfered, even his parents, received insults from him. It was terrible that even his introduction cloth was torn in the cause of the fight.

The Possessive Sweetheart

Too bad Tolani has turned weird. Remembering how gentle and loving he is; how passionate and kind he is; Ruth was almost tempted to want to continue with the wedding. But, oh, she can’t bear to be in this bondage any longer. Enough is enough; she’s going away for good – where no one, not even Tolani will be able to reach her.

Yes, Tolani is rich, handsome, loving, kind, and even a born again…but Tolani is possessive. And that Ruth couldn’t put up with…anymore.

One of the biggest problems people report in their relationships is having a partner who is too possessive. Possessive behaviour is a sign that the relationship lacks trust or that the possessive person is very insecure. When you act possessive you are sending a clear message that you do not trust your partner and that you are handling that mistrust by being controlling.

While a possessive man is desperate to find a woman they can love and adore, once he has found her, he most often do not believe they can keep hold of her due to a lack of self-confidence, self-respect and self-belief. He does not truly believe he deserve her so he tries to subjugate her to rely on him and increase the woman's sense of dependency. It is all too common these days as more and more men feel uneasy about whom they truly are and lack self-esteem.

Every person in this world at some point of his time gets too possessive or obsessed about some thing/ person. For instance, kids are so possessive that they will not allow others to play with their toys.

In a relationship, possessiveness usually starts out slow but then begins to overshadow a relationship. Relationships touched by possessiveness can be suffocating, binding and in some cases, abusive. Possessiveness can lead to jealousy, which in turn, can lead to anger. Anger in an immature person or an abused victim can lead to physical outbursts and more abuse.

By being possessive, you are trying to take away the freedom of that other person. This creates insecurity for the partner, which ends up in misunderstandings.

Not Ownership but Partnership

Before possessiveness becomes an addiction, it should be suppressed. We should accept the truth that nothing in this world belongs to us. What did we bring to this world to take it back or own? Hence getting over attached to anything would lead to sadness, unhappiness and misery.

Although possessiveness has all the bad traits it is a bit sweet that someone is so important to us. You get possessive on a guy/girl when you care and love him/her immensely!!! It’s just a feeling. If not controlled, it may ruin or spoil the relationship...or your equation with that particular person at the least….A relation does not involve ownership. It requires partnership.

What then should you do, you ask? Run to God immediately for mercy.

Much love...and merry Christmas in advance. Make sure you find the real meaning of Christmas and express it.