Emotional Cheating - Unfaithful in Love

Kate met James when she joined a new Accounting Firm two years ago, James was her supervisor and the first time they met, he actually struck her as a bit shy and withdrawn. But a few months into their working relationship, something changed. James started warming up to her with special attention; she warmed up to him too. Soon their conversations turned from work related issues to easy banter about everything personal and later it became flirtation. They shared many similar things in common, and they soon became inseparable.

She convinced herself that she wasn’t doing anything wrong; after all they were not having sex. And couldn’t she have a friend who happened to be male? She also told her husband about him, even sharing when they would meet for lunch. Her husband, who is very busy with a demanding job and hardly spends enough time at home, trusted her completely and didn’t raise an eyebrow.

In the midst of working full time and caring for her two children, e-mailing and talking with James felt like an innocent escape. James was always a call away to encourage her and guide her through difficult times; they spend hours talking on the phone and chatting on the internet. She increasingly found herself sharing more and more of her goals and dreams with James and was withdrawing from her husband more and more. Her conversation with her husband became very casual and it became only about the children and general issues.

She started looking forward to her regular interactions with James in a way that was all too consuming, and never missed her husband when he wasn’t around. It was James not her husband who was beginning to fill a key emotional need in her life. She was having an emotional affair.

Emotional cheating or infidelity often starts when you share intimate details of your life with someone else apart from your partner. The person probably makes you feel good and special and you like the feeling of affection you have when you are with them, you then begin to put the bulk of your emotions into the person’s hands.

The signs of an emotional infidelity may be more subtle than those of a sexual infidelity, and even if you never so much as touch him, this emotional attachment has just as much potential as a sexual fling to damage your relationship. When you save up your innermost thoughts, and interesting personal experiences to be spilled to the other guy instead of your spouse then you are doing your relationship harm and it’s not fair to your partner.

According to a relationship expert, emotional affairs are happening more often because so many of us feel emotionally isolated, Whether it’s because of our demanding jobs or the hours we spend on the Internet instead of with our families, friends, and communities, we’ve become increasingly distanced both physically and emotionally from other people, including our spouses. And when we’re not regularly sharing our lives and feelings with those close to us, we ultimately begin to fill their space with someone else.

To avoid emotional affair it is important to keeping members of the opposite sex out of your intimate life, find polite ways to stop your discussions from being too personal or intimate. Emotional affairs begin with personal discussions, and grow more intimate as time goes on.

Also, avoid regular, ongoing personal conversations with one particular person and watch who you talk to make sure you are not making deep emotional investments with the inappropriate person. It’s important to know that friendship with the opposite sex can become a problem when it becomes a replacement for a marriage, and also be careful of seemingly innocent actions such as dancing, kissing, or hugging members of the opposite sex.

Be honest with yourself if you are attracted to someone outside your marriage, be honest about the potential for an emotional affair and do something to stop it before it grows out of hand.

Emotional infidelity is rarely planned; it often arises from innocent friendships that went too far, that became too intimate.

The above experience is not limited to a particular sex.

Healthy Boundaries

* Limit television viewing and avoid watching soap operas and movies that contain sexual content and extra-marital affairs.

* Be careful where you go on the Internet. Avoid all forms of pornography. When active in chat rooms, be sure your spouse is around and keeps you accountable for your activities online.

* Avoid pornographic billboards. Take a different route, if needed.

* Be careful what novels you read. Many women choose not to read romance novels because they tend to compare their husband with the hero in the story and then they see that their husband doesn’t measure up.

* Limit your intake of magazines.

* Be on guard so you don’t develop an inappropriate relationship with someone besides your spouse, no matter how innocent you believe it to be.

* If you need to have a business meeting with someone of the opposite sex, consider bringing along your spouse or another co-worker. Avoid being alone together.

* Accountability partners are another way of having a check and balance system. If you find you are prone to slip, ask a good friend to hold you accountable. When you feel like you are headed for trouble -- call them to talk and pray together.

Willing to Stop

Instead of assuming or vowing emotional cheating will never happen to you, spend time with your partner. Have open and honest discussions about your relationship. Have fun together; the more you make your partner happy, the happier you will be!

Emotional cheating can make you forget why you love your partner in the first place! To stop infidelity, focus on why you first loved your partner….And if you can’t get out of it still, open up to your partner as well as run to God for help.

The story above was shared by a good friend of mine.


  1. Hi Bukky...the first time you posted this piece, didn't really have time to scan through, but now I know what I haved missed in the last few weeks.

    I must thank you very much for sharing this eye opener but salient truth with us...This is exactly what thousands of relationships today really need to clearly understand and absolve to save their world.

    That's really great. Thanks!


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