Endurance Trek or Enjoyable Ride?

One thrilling event in life is the wedding ceremony, because that’s the one you get to plan and handle yourself. It’s often filled with the ohs, ahs, and wow moments. It’s an event of colour, emotions, dreams, and it comes with such unforgettable memories. Whether it lasts or not.

But what happens after then? Then comes the moment of reality! This moment thrills the most; it’s when it dawns on you that there is no other soul around except the two of you – as Will Smith sang, ‘Just the Two of Us’. Hmmm. This moment is deeper than the colour-defined weddings or the ohs and ahs. From the first night, it’s just the two of you, in your own world, embracing your lives whether good or bad; sweet or bitter; pleasant or not.

And oh, it’s a journey of possibly no return (except in the case of death which we usually do not pray for). Even if you get divorced, it’ll still leave a mark; a mark that you were once married to a particular person – so it’s a journey of no return to being single, because there’ll always be an ‘ex-‘ attached to your name.

Let’s Think

However, how interesting is this journey? Is it one to treasure or one not to? Is the journey an endurance trek, run, move or an enjoyable ride?

It is kind of amazing to know the divorce rates in the world and in Nigeria. People seem to use divorce as a means of escape now. But escape to where or what? Loneliness, stigma, shame?

Some don’t even go for divorce. They live together and operate what is called the ‘Silence or Malice Syndrome’ for years. What seems to be the problem? Were they ever soulmates? Or was there never love at first, and marriage was just a way to satisfy urges, keep people from talking or escape the ageism syndrome?

Many wonder, we see some couples celebrate 25, 30, even 40 year wedding anniversaries. What? Did they ever want to separate, or divorce at some points in their lives? How did they make it to this point? What could have worked for them? Was it just love or other things?

We see some men of God still together with their wives and the glow. Do they ever have problems?

For the married, can your spouse look at you and confidently tell you I’ll marry you again and again, or is it the other way round?

For the unmarried, do you think you’d be happy with your soon to be spouse if ever marriage occurs?

What’s Enough?

Questions and questions, I can go on. But what is enough to make marriage work? What is enough to make it an enjoyable ride and not an endurance trek, which in most cases is often slow, boring, maiming, humiliating, ridiculing and so on.

I think love is not enough (yes, sure we have heard that times without number, now what?); attitude is not enough (which most don’t even work on despite being under so many lectures on it); money is not enough (many base love, relationships on this); background; position; title; colour; beauty; height; religion aren’t enough too. But God is all. God is love (we require this to go into marriage); God is attitude (manner, disposition, feeling, position, posture, action, emotion); God is money (silver and gold belong to him); God is everything – background (He gives the best that will be suitable for your relationship to work); position (He gives the one that will not bring conflict or pride): God is title (He’s the alpha and omega, omnipotent – he has all potentials and all titles and no man has the right to share in his glory; he also gives a spouse who’d love in humility, title or not); God is colour (He’s the God of the Jews and Gentiles; black and white – he doesn’t withhold his rain from even the wicked; he’s not partial; and all that He created is GOOD); God is everything. Dependence on him makes anything and everything stand. No wonder He’s referred to as the solid rock. All other ground – love alone, money alone, attitude alone, etc, without God – are sinking sand.

Esther’s first opportunity to be in the King’s court was met with favour – a night with the king was treasured and unforgettable – that the king was compelled to love her because she had everything, she had God.

My thoughts…