Home NOT Home

I am not going to do any story on Koko Mansion or the latest prada... You can get all those from Linda Ikeji or Bella Naija.

I'm kinda concerned about something that concerns you and I. Call me old fashion, whatever. If someone takes time to reflect on this, he or she may probably see reasons, except of course if the person has lost flair for life.

What's bothering me is the issue of marriages - most especially the home front. It bothers me that the people who could not wait to start living together before marriage now find pleasure in their jobs more than in their spouses.

Imagine a typical scenario of a doctor 'wife' and a banker 'husband'. The wife is probably on call the only Saturday that the husband has to be at home. And the husband is just getting home at 11pm when the wife is about to go for her night duty.... Impossible, you say!

How about both of them being bankers? They both get home tired and fagged at 11:00pm; probably had dinner at a close by fast food joint before getting home and once they get home, the next point of call is the bed (some even forget to take a shower before hopping unto the bed) and by 4am, they're up so as to beat the famous 3rd mainland bridge traffic.

They can't both be bankers, one of them will have to resign. How convenient? How easy?

Also take a female editor of a print media who will have to work round the clock during production, just so every fact is checked for emphasis and every 'i' is dotted as is the convention, and the husband is home, living like a bachelor, eating bread and akara - since it's fast and can fill the belly; and trying to get ready for the next day's work.... Not even expecting his BUSY wife since it's a norm.

The home is no longer a home. Hmmm. I just ask myself what a home is and I discovered that aside from the oxford's point of view or the encyclopaedia's opinion, the home is YOU and YOURS. The home is LOVE. The home is LAUGHTER. The home is good SEX. The home is sharing happy and wonderful past/present MEMORIES. The home is a good SMILE from you or yours. The home is appreciating YOURS. The home is sitting back in your spouses' arms and forgetting that you're still alive...dreaming about heaven...forgetting your sorrows.....

Can we ever get this kind of home with a lot of us pursuing career like we cannot survive without it?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against working or building career. I'm a career person myself and will love to have a greater one.

What I am against is the busyness.... Why should our career dictate the pace? Why should our happiness or lives depend on our career? Why should everything be this way?

We see couples get married today and divorce in 1 year... partly because of their jobs. What's really happening?

Some people might not share my views but it's something that needs to be addressed. A lot of times kids get affected for the ones who have kids already. It's the househelp or an aunt that they know. Never their dad or mum. Such kids never even know what it means to be influenced by mum or dad....it's just like being an orphan.

Some spouses too get affected - when it is one partner that is busy and the other gets lonely and frustrated all the time.

We want to be rich. We want to make a living. We want to be known. We want to take care of our children. We want to forget we were ever poor. We want to wear the latest... Our degrees must not waste away... Excuses, excuses, excuses. And for what? For who? To get cardiac arrest at the end of it all or repetitive strain injury or cancer or arthritis.........

Shouldn't you take up the job that will boost your career or make you forget poverty for the rest of your life even though it is demanding? You ask, I ask.

How, and I repeat, how can we manage our career and home? What can we do?

Don't just tell me pray, please give practical steps that can be taken.

The home must be a home that it is designed to be - job or not!


  1. you are right about the content of the article, we need to start looking and working toward the real home. a home to be what it is designed to be.
    thanks the article God bless you real good, keep up the good work you are doing.

  2. Lukman Adebayo ATUNWA18 August 2009 at 16:37

    Bukola, infact you read my mind and you've done a wonderful job. Except if people want to try to manage and endure, it is not easy. I have an example too close to me. But in this case, the husband was with a Insurance outfit owned by one of the leading bank in the country, while the wife is an accountant in a manufacturing/production establishment. Imagine how it the accounting transaction is in a sector such as manufacturing.
    The husband resigned his appointment with the insurance giant and venture into full time business mainly on haulage - diesel, cement, iron rods, other building materials and general supplies. But that did not solve the problem as they later settled to employ the services of an house help, just because of their tight schedule. But something strange happened one day. Not what is in your mind ooo, the husband is a GODLY person so no funny moves on the part of the house help please. I went to their house that day, the wife who is my ..... was very busy in the kitchen preparing lunch for the whole house, trust babies they will never understand, the three (3) months old baby was crying seriously to suck milk (...) you know. Immediately I entered their house, I rushed down to where the baby is, just to pamper her. I c$an not believe my eyes when I saw the house help at the point of putting her breast in the boy's mouth.
    Now, the question is this,
    (1) Since when has the house help been doing that?
    (2) Is she a nursing mother?
    (3) Does any woman has right to breast feed another woman baby with or without the consent of the mother?
    (4) What is the health implication of such act?
    (5) Who knows perhaps she has been doing some other things that can endanger the baby?
    I agree with your view in totality. Well done my dear, keep it up and God Almighty is your strength.

    May Good Lord Be With Us.

    All green!!!

  3. Hi,

    I "stumbled" into your blog and after reading the first post, i settled down to read the others and i must say, you're doing a good job...really.

    The truth about the matter is that sacrifices have to be made...We can't expect to eat our cake and still have it in our hands. The responsibility lies more on the woman. The man was made to till and tend the garden and take care of the woman...so he can be excused. The woman was made to be his "helpmeet" and if that means she has to stay at home to make sure that his kids are well brought up and his meals are hot and steamy, then let her do it...if it means she has to work alongside him...
    No one said it would get easier. personally, i believe that once both partners have reached a compromise then let them go ahead with it not comparing their marriage with any other person's.
    Nice Post!

  4. Thanks y'all for your comments.

    @ My anonymous commentator: You're right, thanks.

    @ Lukman: Hmmm, that's a serious one o....God help us.

    @ My Heart: Thanks for sharing that insightful part about the man created to till and tend the garden. I never even thought of that. Good one.

    Above all...we need to work to keep our homes from suffering. The man has a role to play and the woman has a big role to play. Love.


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