How to Handle Rejection
Got this on Yahoo! and couldn’t resist it. A lot of times we face rejection – we’re being rejected by the opposite sex. But how do we handle it?
You’ve been eyeing her for a long time and you feel it’s high time you told her your intentions, and then you walked up to her, in your best suit or jeans, with your best smile and all. You open up to her and tell her of your undying love for her, only to get a NO for an answer. Wew! You feel, ‘But I’m handsome and I know I’m right for her…’
You probably met online and he’s been telling you how beautiful you are. He’s not seen you, but merely judging from your looks in your picture on Facebook! He’s told you how he’d love to meet and make you his wife and arranged for you to meet at Tastees Fried Chicken (TFC).
You agreed to the meeting and put on your best make-up from Black Opal and your best gown from collectibles. You entered the restaurant, greeted him with a smile, talked briefly, and then all of a sudden after 20mins of your being together (you’ve not even touched your dinner!), he has an important appointment that he wouldn’t dare miss. He promised to call you back for another appointment only to fail. You tried calling back but he wouldn’t pick your calls but rather SMS you saying he’d be very busy all through the week.
Girlfriend, you’ve just been rejected…So, how do you handle it?
So there you are at the TFC getting a sandwich, when that person you're attracted to comes and stands next to you at the counter. You've seen them over and over again, and you finally have the guts to turn and smile at them... and they do nothing in return. They almost look right through you like you don't exist.
So you grab your sandwich and run out of there as quickly as you can, saying to yourself, "I will never do that again. This doesn't work." Is this the best way to deal with rejection? How do you personally deal with rejection? More importantly, are you someone who believes that if you become "good" at dating you will no longer get rejected?
The dating truth is that being able to deal with rejection is the key to being successful at going out and meeting singles. It's also not the ultra-significant event so many make it out to be. So here are five essential tips on how to handle rejection, which you need to embrace if you are going to have a full and successful dating life:
1. Change Your Dating Expectations. One of the first and most important things to understand is that no matter what you do, not everybody is going to respond positively to you. Not everyone you smile at will smile back at you. Not everyone you say hello to is going to say hello back to you.
Stop expecting a positive response 100 percent of the time. Just because somebody did not smile back at you does not mean that you're not an attractive person or that you made a mistake by smiling. The only thing it means is that it did not work with that one person.
2. Life Is All About Rejection. Everything in life has rejection involved in it. If you're a salesperson who makes 10 sales calls, you may only get one or two people to say yes. A baseball player whose batting average is around 300 will likely end up in the Hall of Fame.
Everything in life is about percentages. You don't quit simply because you experienced some rejection. Imagine if you stopped looking for work when your very first interview didn't result in a job offer. That would, of course, be ridiculous. Remember that you also need to keep going in your dating life when you're rejected, because you want to keep increasing your odds of success.
3. Focus on Increasing Your Dating Odds. When you feel like you are getting more than your fair share of rejections, instead of focusing on those rejections, focus on increasing your odds of success. The fact is that by playing the percentages as mentioned above, you will be successful.
The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it. If you're going to go out there and only talk to one person a day, then your chances of success are not going to be great. Increase your odds every single day and in everything you're doing.
4. Keep Things in Perspective. Read this: "What if I approach somebody, get rejected, and someone sees me? I'll never be able to go in that store again!" Get a little perspective here.
When you're rejected, you need to just get over it. No one is talking about you. People are concerned about themselves and what is going on in their own lives, just as you are focused on what's going on in yours. So the fact that you get rejected in front of other people at the market, at the club, or anywhere else is not a big deal to anyone but you.
5. Don't Overreact When Dating. This is also common: "I'm never going to talk to that person ever again now that I was rejected by them." This is not only a total overreaction; it is also absolutely the wrong thing to do. So you tried to talk to (or smile or look at) someone, and they didn't respond. As mentioned above, there are a million possible reasons why that person did not respond to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that person wouldn't want to talk to you another time. If I smile at a man and he doesn't respond, I don't play hide-and-go-seek the next time I see him. I am equally friendly to him the next time I see him, because you never know what will happen that second time. It's a different day. Put the last time behind you.
My Quota: If you’re rejected by anyone, don’t feel bad. Just know you were not meant to be accepted by such person. Move on! Some other people will see you as valuable no matter how. I (Bukola) once told myself that if the people we call ugly could be accepted and appreciated by their spouses to the point of marrying them, then beautiful people who have once faced rejection could still be accepted…Only that they’ve not found the person to accept them!
These are some ways to help you get over rejection. Realise that in order to get good at interacting with potential mates, you are going to get rejected. In fact, you want to get rejected every single day, because if you're not, it means you're not trying.
So ask yourself this: Did you get rejected today, and how can you go out tomorrow and make it an even better day than today? Learn to not only handle but to embrace rejection, and you will meet great new people and have an amazing social life.